I have definitely been brave this week. I helped coach my daughter's basketball practice and voluntarily told 2 people about Logan. Granted, they made a comment about how weird it is to see me without my pregnancy belly, but they didn't know Logan had passed, so I figured might as well just bite the bullet and get it over with. I am proud to say I didn't cry when talking about it.
Another milestone is taking Taylor to a friend from school's birthday tea party today. Now, the last time I was at a birthday was when I was 36 weeks pregnant with Logan. I was very nervous about it and actually didn't plan on Taylor going, but when the mom called me and pretty much begged me to let Taylor come, I figured what the hell...might as well get it over with. Now the problem with meeting new people is I am going to get asked the "how many other children do you have" question several different times. This is very hard for me because if I say, "I have a 3 and a 2 year old at home", then I am avoiding the whole Logan conversation, but then I feel I am neglecting my son. I have found myself doing this lately, because I don't want to make someone sad that I barely know, and the reality is it does bring mothers I barely know to tears. I know people who don't have children feel sorry for me and my family, but unfortunately until you have one of your own, you really can't understand the true pain of losing an innocent baby.
Well, before the birthday party Taylor had a basketball game. Zoey, her friend and teammate, came up to her and said, "Taylor you have 2 brothers". Taylor said, "No I don't, I have 3". Which Zoey followed up with, "No you don't, you have Landon and Luke." My beautiful daughter looked at me and said, "I have 2 on earth and my other brother Logan is in Heaven". Now, I did everything in my power not to start crying right then and there, and I realized she was right. It is that easy. So when people do ask me how many children I have, I have to include Logan because he is a part of my family, and who I have become. It is amazing to me that it took hearing my 5 year old say it to another 5 year old, for me to realize how easy it is. The ability of a child to see things so black and white is such a wonderful thing...as they say "It is, what it is!!!"
Another milestone is taking Taylor to a friend from school's birthday tea party today. Now, the last time I was at a birthday was when I was 36 weeks pregnant with Logan. I was very nervous about it and actually didn't plan on Taylor going, but when the mom called me and pretty much begged me to let Taylor come, I figured what the hell...might as well get it over with. Now the problem with meeting new people is I am going to get asked the "how many other children do you have" question several different times. This is very hard for me because if I say, "I have a 3 and a 2 year old at home", then I am avoiding the whole Logan conversation, but then I feel I am neglecting my son. I have found myself doing this lately, because I don't want to make someone sad that I barely know, and the reality is it does bring mothers I barely know to tears. I know people who don't have children feel sorry for me and my family, but unfortunately until you have one of your own, you really can't understand the true pain of losing an innocent baby.
Well, before the birthday party Taylor had a basketball game. Zoey, her friend and teammate, came up to her and said, "Taylor you have 2 brothers". Taylor said, "No I don't, I have 3". Which Zoey followed up with, "No you don't, you have Landon and Luke." My beautiful daughter looked at me and said, "I have 2 on earth and my other brother Logan is in Heaven". Now, I did everything in my power not to start crying right then and there, and I realized she was right. It is that easy. So when people do ask me how many children I have, I have to include Logan because he is a part of my family, and who I have become. It is amazing to me that it took hearing my 5 year old say it to another 5 year old, for me to realize how easy it is. The ability of a child to see things so black and white is such a wonderful thing...as they say "It is, what it is!!!"
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