Crying....

Everyone keeps telling me grieving/crying is healthy, but honestly it is hard work. I can honestly say I have handled this well. Having to keep my kids up and running has helped push me through a lot of my hard times. It has forced me out of the house and back into the community. I still have places I haven't returned to like my chiropractor, my grocery store ( good thing there is a publix on every corner), and my daughter's classroom.

Crying has not been an issue for me especially since having kids, but doing it in the privacy of my own house is different than out in public. I hate crying in front of people. I hate the looks of sorrow people give me. I know their heart is in the right place, but I just want people to look at me the way they did before...like a crazy person for having 3 young kids 5 and under and pregnant with another :)

I am tired of people feeling sorry for me because then I start to feel sorry for myself and I feel that is counterproductive. Of course my great friend Debbie finally kicked me in the ass and told me I am allowed to feel sorry for myself and I should every once in awhile...maybe that is my problem. I have a hard time putting the mother in me aside for a moment and taking care of Darcey.

I guess it is still a process and I will have to figure it out soon. For now I will continue to hold my breath when I am in public and pray that no one comes up to me and asks me about the baby. I can talk about Logan without crying now when people do ask, but the emotional let down that happens after I still haven't gotten control over. My poor daughter just looks at me and asks if I am crying because I am sad about Logan again. I guess even she is getting tired of it.