Progress Made

It has been exactly 8 weeks from the minute I started typing this (7:30 p.m.) and I actually think I made some progress today. My husband took the kids and went to his sister's house for the day and I stayed home to try and decompress a little and have some "me" time.

I expected to spend a lot of time laying around the house catching up with my DVR and crying...good news is I really didn't cry today or lay around the house. I went for a run, took the dogs for a walk, did some laundry, and went to visit Logan.

Today I actually was able to go to the cemetery and did not shed one single tear. It was weird and it kind of threw me off. Friends of mine who have experienced a loss of a parent or child told me this would happen. That one day I would wake up and things would be a little easier and I would feel guilty because it was easier and I have to admit they are right. I don't want to cry everyday and feel that pain, but I think part of me is scared that if I don't feel that pain then it means I am moving on with my life. I know that I do need to move on with my life and I have for the most part. Maybe this the first step of acceptance. I will be excited to move onto a different step because the grieving and anger were really starting to take its toll. I guess I can proudly say that I definitely made some progress today, but I won't be surprised if I wake up tomorrow and I am back to where I was yesterday. I guess the "2 steps forward, 1 step back" can definitely apply to my situation.

I took some pictures finally of Logan's "special place" as we call it in our house.  It took 5 weeks to get the headstone in and I kept forgetting to bring the camera.  I have to say it is kind of funny because there are 5 angels around Logan that passed between August and December  2010 and it seems like whenever someone adds something new to their child's grave like a stuffed animal, angel figurine or flowers, another mommy and daddy will add something new to their child's grave.  Little Isabella is in front of Logan and I loved the fact that she has a solar landscape light at the head of her grave, so I made John go out and get Logan one.  Well today she had 2 lights...I guess they didn't like me copying off them and they had to one up us...wait until they see what I have in store for Logan tomorrow ;)