Struggling

I went from feeling like i am definitely bringing this little guy home to waiting for something bad to happen in a matter of 5 days...amazing!!! I knew the last few weeks were going to be tough, but I am honestly struggling pretty bad right now.

I am also convinced that this extra monitoring is actually causing more stress in my life and I absolutely HATE NST's!!!! I had my 35 week visit today and in typical fashion nothing went as planned.  The nurse strapped me in to the monitor and after about 3 minutes it was clear as day that he was sleeping so they gave me some apple juice to get him going.

I have actually been going to a different office lately...same doctors, but different scenery equals different outcome, right?? I have enjoyed being treated like every other pregnant woman lately without the stigma of late term stillbirth with the nurses in this office, but during NST's from now on I am asking for special treatment because today was a disaster.

My very nice nurse only hung around long enough to make sure that he was semi-awake and that we had a good spot to pick up the heart rate. She then left to tend to other patients (which I expected) and said she would be back to check on me...well, she never came back and about 4 minutes after she left Layton decided he wanted to roll completely away from the monitor and my NST became null and void from that point on because every other minute no heartbeat was recorded.  I could feel him moving so I know he was okay, but it still was scaring the crap out of me to put it lightly.  Finally my doctor came in and was trying to find a good place to pick up the heart rate to finish up the last 10 minutes, but Layton kept kicking and he couldn't find the heartbeat so the nurse came in and she was having the same trouble...deja vu??? Honestly I thought I was going to die.  Again, I could feel him moving so I knew everything was ok, but my mind was struggling to comprehend what was happening. This was something I NEVER EVER EVER planned on experiencing the first time and sure as hell NEVER EVER EVER wanted to again...i am in a small room by myself with a nurse pressing a monitor against my belly not being able to locate a strong hb or any hb...NIGHTMARE!!!

So to all the O.B. nurses out there...do not leave a mother who has previously lost a baby at full term on a monitor without checking in every couple of minutes because now I am convinced I am not going to make it the almost 18 days I have left until my induction on the 23rd (which is official by the way).
My doctor can't believe the hospital agreed to it (I guess a law passed in FL not allowing unnecessary inductions before 39 weeks and technically i fall into that category) since there was no medical reason for my previous loss and it was classified an "accident".   Someone over there has a kind heart and for that I am grateful!!!

The only semi-good thing that came out of this was my doctor who thinks I should wait until 39 weeks to induce agreed after this fiasco that for the stress and angst of me and even them we need to get this baby out ASAP.

So I got to see my boy again today because they had to do a Biophysical profile to make sure all was okay which it was.  He was definitely sleeping and it even took a few minutes for my ultrasound tech to get him to be awake enough to do the breathing movements they have to see.  Once he was awake he cooperated like a champ.  He is head down, but still pretty high and he is laying on his side looking at my side...need to work on getting that boy to drop and face the right direction. I went through one posterior labor with my first son and I have no desire to go through it again.

So please Layton roll over the right direction, drop, put some pressure on my cervix, and please get that umbilical cord away from your face.  It makes me so damn nervous at every ultrasound. It would be even better if you decide to come on your own in a week or so...if only things were that easy, right???  Labor on demand...what would be better than that!!!

35 weeks 4 days...you can see the cord in front/to the side of his face. It absolutely makes me crazy, but the tech is always quick to point out that it is not wrapped around him.  I will take whatever little good news I can get at these appointments.