Full Term and Loss Week

Today marks a great, but scary time for me.  We are officially 37 weeks which is wonderful because we are officially "full term", but it is also the week I lost Logan so things are a little tense in our household right now and probably will remain that way until he makes his arrival in 8 days.

I had an appt. on friday and everything looked great.  He passed his BPP in about 20 seconds which was a nice change from the previous weeks when he decided to sleep through most of it and not make the breathing movements they need to see in order to to give him a passing grade.  She also checked my placenta and cord flow and it was "perfect".  No signs of restriction anywhere.  To make things even better  the cord was literally sitting right on his belly and no where near his face, which is extremely rare to see when you have an anterior placenta (which I have mentioned several times in previous posts).  This of course could have changed and probably will when I get my last look at him in utero this coming friday, but it was a relief to know that it is not around his neck at all for the time being.

I also had to tell my poor doctor who delivered Logan and was supposed to deliver Layton on the 30th that he won't be because the hospital agreed to move my induction up a week.  He took it a little harder than I expected him to, but it is nice to know that his care for me and my baby are completely genuine and real.  I know I could make it another week until the 30th, but at this point it is about getting him out alive and praying that taking him at 38 weeks 1 day was the right choice, and he won't have any breathing difficulties or anything else that requires any NICU time.

I have my last NST appt. on Tuesday and my final BPP/Growth check on friday with the doctor who will be doing my induction.  I just bought the Hunger Games trilogy to help keep my brain busy this week because knowing I lost Logan at this point of the game is really lingering in my every thought and it is making me crazy.  I am constantly praying that he will make it 8 more days without any problems and by throwing myself into a good book(s) it will hopefully help the time pass.

In my desperate attempt to stay positive I am finally doing all the things I have put off for the last month like washing bedding, washing baby clothes, nursing tops, etc. I even went as far as bagging up all my Maternity clothes that haven't fit me in a long time for my husband to donate to the Goodwill, and although it made me nervous, I know I have to stay positive and believe that this is my last pregnancy and 10 days from now I will have a living new born in my house.  How I am going to make it this week I have no idea...I am absolutely SCARED TO DEATH!!!!