Some good things have finally happened this week. First, I finally got my period...sorry if TMI, but when you are asked to wait 2 cycles before even thinking about TTC, which was a huge and torturous waiting period for me, it is a huge milestone after 11 1/2 painful weeks of hoping it is right around the corner.
Through out this horrible journey I have talked to or read many blogs of women who are exactly like me in that they are ready to start the miserable journey of pregnancy again ASAP. Unfortunately, I can now admit that it almost becomes an obsession right after losing a baby. Almost as having another to care for through pregnancy can help you overcome some of this pain, and I think I still hope that when it happens I will feel a little relief, along with a whole bunch of anxiety and fear that it could happen again. I literally have been planning my next pregnancy since they told me Logan was no longer alive, which may seem a little morbid, but I think life and happiness is what your brain wants to hold onto even during the darkest and saddest times of your life. I am fully aware that Logan will never ever ever be replaced, but I do think adding a new addition to our family would help everyone heal a little bit, especially Landon and Taylor. They still ask me for another sibling...Landon informed me yesterday that he wants a new brother and a new sister, which almost caused me to drive into oncoming traffic. I calmly told him I didn't think daddy would buy into the whole twin thing...it is always easier to blame it on daddy when he isn't around :)
Second, I am not dying of throat cancer or any other type of illness. As I expected my number one problem is emotional stress, followed by allergies, and maybe some acid reflux. I did learn I have a deviated septum, so I guess my 40.00 copay got me some information I was not aware of. My ENT told me I need : 1) a vacation (which I am trying to set up), 2) new allergy medicine (which I can't take because everything and I mean everything knocks me out), 3) prevacid ( may actually try this). If it wasn't for the horrible tube she put into my nose to look at my throat, I probably would have asked for my money back :)
Lastly, we got our tax money...woohoo!!!! We can begin the final projects on our house. This entails pavers for the Lanai by the pool and a little patio outside our pool screen by the trampoline, ripping out the bushes that line our property by the street and flattening out the berm (so we can actually see how big our lot really is), and putting up a fence and planting brand new bushes in front of that fence (so our homeowner's association won't bug us, we'll get some privacy, and my kids and dogs can run freely)...like I said woohoo!!!
I have to put up some pictures so you can see the before and after. It is going to look great. All in all it has been a pretty decent week. My breakdowns are continuing to lessen and I totally forgot to add that my Logan Bear should be here next week!!!! I will definitely post pictures when he gets here :)
Hope everyone has a great weekend. The kids have their last Tball and basketball games tomorrow and our good friends are driving across for some fun at the zoo. It should be a great time and I am really looking forward to it. Now I just have to figure out how to get to Vegas next week, right Leah??? :)
Through out this horrible journey I have talked to or read many blogs of women who are exactly like me in that they are ready to start the miserable journey of pregnancy again ASAP. Unfortunately, I can now admit that it almost becomes an obsession right after losing a baby. Almost as having another to care for through pregnancy can help you overcome some of this pain, and I think I still hope that when it happens I will feel a little relief, along with a whole bunch of anxiety and fear that it could happen again. I literally have been planning my next pregnancy since they told me Logan was no longer alive, which may seem a little morbid, but I think life and happiness is what your brain wants to hold onto even during the darkest and saddest times of your life. I am fully aware that Logan will never ever ever be replaced, but I do think adding a new addition to our family would help everyone heal a little bit, especially Landon and Taylor. They still ask me for another sibling...Landon informed me yesterday that he wants a new brother and a new sister, which almost caused me to drive into oncoming traffic. I calmly told him I didn't think daddy would buy into the whole twin thing...it is always easier to blame it on daddy when he isn't around :)
Second, I am not dying of throat cancer or any other type of illness. As I expected my number one problem is emotional stress, followed by allergies, and maybe some acid reflux. I did learn I have a deviated septum, so I guess my 40.00 copay got me some information I was not aware of. My ENT told me I need : 1) a vacation (which I am trying to set up), 2) new allergy medicine (which I can't take because everything and I mean everything knocks me out), 3) prevacid ( may actually try this). If it wasn't for the horrible tube she put into my nose to look at my throat, I probably would have asked for my money back :)
Lastly, we got our tax money...woohoo!!!! We can begin the final projects on our house. This entails pavers for the Lanai by the pool and a little patio outside our pool screen by the trampoline, ripping out the bushes that line our property by the street and flattening out the berm (so we can actually see how big our lot really is), and putting up a fence and planting brand new bushes in front of that fence (so our homeowner's association won't bug us, we'll get some privacy, and my kids and dogs can run freely)...like I said woohoo!!!
I have to put up some pictures so you can see the before and after. It is going to look great. All in all it has been a pretty decent week. My breakdowns are continuing to lessen and I totally forgot to add that my Logan Bear should be here next week!!!! I will definitely post pictures when he gets here :)
Hope everyone has a great weekend. The kids have their last Tball and basketball games tomorrow and our good friends are driving across for some fun at the zoo. It should be a great time and I am really looking forward to it. Now I just have to figure out how to get to Vegas next week, right Leah??? :)
2 comments:
yay!!! u had a little bit of much needed 'sunshine' today....i think about you often and pray so hard for you to have healing in your heart!
You're totally right, getting pregnant again becomes an absolute obsession after you've lost your baby, it is for me anyway. :)
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