I have all the kids home with me today. Landon is on spring break and Taylor is sick with the flu, again! This time she has Type B. There is a slight possibility that Luke and I both had this last week, but never got the fever...that is what I am hoping anyway since I am supposed to be on a plane tomorrow morning.
Anyway, I decided to take all the kids to bring flowers to Logan this morning...absolute nightmare to say the least. The boys pretty much played hopscotch on all the little headstones. I know they were just being kids, but it made me crazy!!! At least this time they weren't touching other people's things...my boys are always an adventure these days and it really makes me miss Logan that much more. It is still hard for me to comprehend why there aren't 3 little boys inside my house. I know there are parents out there that have lost their only son and would do anything to have one running around crazy, so I try to be thankful for what I have even though I still feel cheated.
My great grandmother is from Ireland, so I wanted to add a little green to Logan's little setup to celebrate our Irish side. We picked out some beautiful flowers and I bought all the kids, even Logan, a green beaded shamrock necklace. I have to admit that it really surprised me when we arrived there and they put their necklaces on his headstone without me saying a word. I told them that I bought Logan his own, but they didn't care. They wanted to give him theirs...instantly brought tears to my eyes. When I handed Luke's necklace back to him he said, "No, baby Logan's"...even my 2 year old is understanding what this place is. It absolutely breaks my heart that my kids have to deal with this at such a young age...like I have said a million times, it just isn't fair!!
We also had a little surprise when we got to his special spot this morning, Logan now has a neighbor. It really hit me a lot harder once I saw the flower arrangement...it is a little boy. Another poor mother and father had to go through what John and I had 3 months ago (It will be 3 months on Saturday). Another mother is crying non-stop because she had to bury her little boy yesterday. I guess it just doesn't make sense to me how often this really happens.
In my little cemetery alone (Babyland IV, Garden of Memories Tampa, FL) there have been 9 babies buried since June. Most of these babies had a brief stay in life, which Logan unfortunately did not. I have to admit sometimes I wonder what would have been worse...to never have gotten to experience him taking his first breath or to have my son here with me for a few short weeks or months and then to have him taken away. It is obviously a no win situation, but these are the thoughts that unfortunately run through my head. I guess it just seems so unnecessary.
On a happier note, I am leaving tomorrow morning to meet some friends out in Vegas. I am really hoping getting out of here might help lift my spirits and remove the 800lbs I feel like I carry around all day. It may only be 48 hours, but being able to breathe again and laugh freely for 2 days is just what I think I need. Technically it was what my DR. ordered :)
VIVA LAS VEGAS!!!!!!!!!
0 comments:
Post a Comment