Well I made it to and back from Vegas with a lot of fun in between. I absolutely loved and needed 2 days away from all of the craziness with some great girl friends. I watched a ton of basketball and actually won on blackjack and roulette...all in all a great time.
My trip away also confirmed my whole stress closing up the throat thing. At one point on Friday when I was sitting by the pool I actually realized it didn't feel like someone was choking me all the time...it really is amazing what a few months of emotional stress can do to your body. Unfortunately, Saturday when I was packing I noticed it was starting to come back. I guess it is something I am just going to have to figure out how to deal with and hopefully with time it will go away all together.
When I returned on Saturday it was the 3rd month anniversary of Logan's passing. I have been going back and forth for awhile about getting a very small memorial tattoo on the inside of my wrist. I guess a physical permanent reminder that he is a part of me. The impact he has made on my heart will never disappear, but I guess I want something more. My husband doesn't think that it is going to make me feel any better and he is probably right. Like my husband gently reminded me, that no matter what I choose to do to honor Logan, actually living my life is the greatest thing I can actually do to honor him.
After talking to John and having a nice conversation with my friend Leah, who unfortunately lost her mother to cancer a few years back, I realized that this trip was the end of the old. I need to look at this point in my life as a new beginning. I cannot go back and change what happened. Although it still hurts so bad and makes me very angry, there is nothing I can do to change the outcome. I can only hope for better things in the future.
My trip away also confirmed my whole stress closing up the throat thing. At one point on Friday when I was sitting by the pool I actually realized it didn't feel like someone was choking me all the time...it really is amazing what a few months of emotional stress can do to your body. Unfortunately, Saturday when I was packing I noticed it was starting to come back. I guess it is something I am just going to have to figure out how to deal with and hopefully with time it will go away all together.
When I returned on Saturday it was the 3rd month anniversary of Logan's passing. I have been going back and forth for awhile about getting a very small memorial tattoo on the inside of my wrist. I guess a physical permanent reminder that he is a part of me. The impact he has made on my heart will never disappear, but I guess I want something more. My husband doesn't think that it is going to make me feel any better and he is probably right. Like my husband gently reminded me, that no matter what I choose to do to honor Logan, actually living my life is the greatest thing I can actually do to honor him.
After talking to John and having a nice conversation with my friend Leah, who unfortunately lost her mother to cancer a few years back, I realized that this trip was the end of the old. I need to look at this point in my life as a new beginning. I cannot go back and change what happened. Although it still hurts so bad and makes me very angry, there is nothing I can do to change the outcome. I can only hope for better things in the future.
2 comments:
I experienced the throat thing last week when I went to see my fertility Dr again... I felt like there was physically a lump in my throat that made it hard to breathe and swallow... never new the term actually had such a strong feeling behind it!
I hope for better things in the future for you too. For both of us.
hugs
This is aa great post
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