I posted a poem that really hit me hard the other day about Rainbow babies. A "Rainbow" baby is a term used to describe the baby right after a loss (Rainbow after the storm). I of course, until 6 months ago, never even heard of this term and when I was on my grief boards at the beginning was amazed of how once you lose a baby that becomes your primary goal. To somehow bring happiness back into your life and your house and most of us BLM's connect that with getting pregnant and bringing home a living, breathing, not sleeping, crying, pooping nonstop Rainbow baby.
This also is very significant for me because Logan was supposed to be our last baby. Our missing piece to complete the Lapointe puzzle, but unfortunately the completion of our family was put on hold.
I have struggled with the fact from the day I came home from the hospital with no baby in my arms with why Logan wasn't supposed to be here, but his younger brother or sister should/would be. I know there is no sense in that and there will never be an answer, but it constantly plagues my mind. What difference is this little person going to make? I guess if it brings us out of the sadness we are in, then that in itself is a small miracle.
I will always be a mother of 5 children when this Rainbow graces us with his/her presence, but it will be such a bittersweet experience. I wonder if I will "baby" my rainbow more than my other kids or be more overprotective.
I have never been a crazy mom like that, but things are different. I am still laid back with my other kids, suprisingly, but I couldn't turn into a hermit after losing Logan as much as I wanted to. I made a promise to Logan that I would keep my head high and let his brothers and sister continue living the life they had previously before this tragedy rocked my family, with a few small changes of course.
A Rainbow baby...a scary, but exciting thing all wrapped into one. I so hope mine is on the horizon and that Logan will be its guardian angel and get him/her safely.
BRING ON THE RAINBOW...the Lapointe's could really use a break from our personal storm!!!
This also is very significant for me because Logan was supposed to be our last baby. Our missing piece to complete the Lapointe puzzle, but unfortunately the completion of our family was put on hold.
I have struggled with the fact from the day I came home from the hospital with no baby in my arms with why Logan wasn't supposed to be here, but his younger brother or sister should/would be. I know there is no sense in that and there will never be an answer, but it constantly plagues my mind. What difference is this little person going to make? I guess if it brings us out of the sadness we are in, then that in itself is a small miracle.
I will always be a mother of 5 children when this Rainbow graces us with his/her presence, but it will be such a bittersweet experience. I wonder if I will "baby" my rainbow more than my other kids or be more overprotective.
I have never been a crazy mom like that, but things are different. I am still laid back with my other kids, suprisingly, but I couldn't turn into a hermit after losing Logan as much as I wanted to. I made a promise to Logan that I would keep my head high and let his brothers and sister continue living the life they had previously before this tragedy rocked my family, with a few small changes of course.
A Rainbow baby...a scary, but exciting thing all wrapped into one. I so hope mine is on the horizon and that Logan will be its guardian angel and get him/her safely.
BRING ON THE RAINBOW...the Lapointe's could really use a break from our personal storm!!!
2 comments:
I always knew I would be a laid back (semi-strict) parent...now I am afriad I won't want anyone to put their germy hands on our second baby and that I won't be able to EVER say no...I mean what is the harm in one more story before bed or another treat?!? I so don't want to have a spoiled bratty child, but how will I ever be able to put this next child down??? Hoping my rainbow is not long after yours so we can be crazy together :)
Oh Darcey. I'm going to be a CRAZY momma next time around!!!
Poor little boy/girl, going to be so spoiled. I think once you know what it's like to lose a baby, you can't get past the idea/fear or it happening once again... Hence the hovering...
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