My boys...I love them to pieces and I love their brutal honesty, but oh my goodness sometimes it is way too much. They are at that age where they have no filter. Whatever comes into their minds they will say out loud to anyone and everyone within earshot exactly what they feel about whomever they are looking at. I have dealt with comments about different people's sizes ( Luke is great about pointing out overweight people and always asks if they are fat because they drink too much coke), people's disabilities (explaining why some people/kids are special needs), body odor, and even many comments from Luke how he doesn't like someone's face. It is not the best scenarios and I am sure I have turned several shades of red a couple of times, but I have learned it is sometimes easier to ignore it and then have a discussion a few minutes later why we don't say mean things about people when we have left the scene of the crime. I tried it in public before and my 5 year old's response was "well he is fat mommy, look his belly is bigger than yours when Layton was in it". I figure one insult is better than repeated insults with facts to back it. Our latest issue, and I hate calling it an issue, is my boys telling EVERYONE that they have a brother and he is dead. The looks of horror from adults I don't know, and the "what do you mean your brother is dead" from anyone aged 4-12 has taken its toll. After a 7 year old girl had to ask her mother what it meant for your brother to be dead on the ferry boat yesterday I am thinking I may have to have a conversation with my boys about when it is, and when it is not appropriate to talk about Logan.
I feel like the absolute worst mother in the world. I am so torn about how to handle this. I have been told that it is healthy for the kids to talk about him and to encourage it, but here I am thinking about telling them to do the opposite in certain scenarios. I love that they think of him enough to include him in random conversations they start with kids on the playground every. single. day, but some days I just like to keep him close, and not share him and his tragic story with every mom who decides to take their children to the park that day. Any thoughts??
Monday, January 28, 2013
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2 comments:
I've never been in this "there's another brother" situation. All of my losses were early and most were before my oldest. The one that came after him was also very early and he never knew, nor did his baby sister. Honestly, though, my gut reaction is that there are worse things for kids and adults to hear about than a dead brother who still matters. Like, maybe your boys are planting little seeds of awareness and growing gardens of understanding. Not for everyone, sure. But probably for most. Anyway, I'm sure it makes you uncomfortable seeing others uncomfortable, and I get that.
As for pointing out someone's differences, I always asked my son, "Do you think he knows he's fat/using a chair/stumbling? If you already knew something, would you want people pointing it out?" It actually worked well.
Hugs.
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