I miss him... Had a mini breakdown yesterday and I think it has really sank in that this will be my life. The crazy part of all of this is it was brought on because my arm was killing me from carrying Layton. My 12 week old is a solid 16 pounds and was having a little bit of a fussy day so i was pretty much carrying him everywhere. When he finally fell asleep in his swing I sat down and just stared at him and rubbed my arm and it hit me full force that I should have a 16 month old right now...blows my mind.
It also brought me back to when I delivered Logan and met him for the first time. I could barely hold him. My arms were so heavy, and literally ached so much that after a few minutes I would have to pass him off to my husband. I remember thinking how weird that was considering he was only 7lbs 7 oz. I didn't know that was a common occurrence until I started reading the book they gave me. It amazes me what grief can do to your body, and that it can literally incapacitate you.
It overwhelms me...the love I have for such a little person that i never truly got to know.
Logan Gregory
This picture was taken 2 days before Christmas when we had to lay our 4th child and 3rd son to rest. Logan passed away unexpectedly at 38 weeks due to an umbilical cord accident..
About Me
- Darcey
- I am a Michigander that left the snow and the cold and ended up in warm and sunny Florida with my husband, 4 beautiful children here on earth, and 1 in heaven. I am on a journey to try and understand my new life after Logan's passing and to learn how to enjoy it once again.
Logan's Beach
Days of Hope
Days of Heartache
Babylost mother
Pregnancy Loss Ribbon
2 comments:
In a weird way, I'm glad to know you have Layton but still miss Logan. I know we don't have to be in pain to hold onto them, but sometimes it's oddly reassuring? I do hate that u still hurt for him though. None of us should have to suffer forever, but this grief IS a strange thing indeed.
Thank you for your comment that Saturday may go as the anniversary did... That helped me put things into perspective. That certainly may be the case, and I hope so. It's nice to know that's a possibility at least bc the anniversary wasn't bad at all, unlike the time leading up to it. I like to imagine the worst do if things are even a tad better, I'm thrilled. Glass half empty kind of girl these days.
I know you miss him. I know. No baby can replace him. No matter the love you have for them both... I'm so glad you have Layton. I'm sorry you don't have Logan. Give the living one some extra kisses.
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