23 months

1 month closer to his 2nd birthday, but something is different this month. The anxiety I felt last month isn't there...the sadness is, but it always is. Maybe my mind has finally accepted this life I have, and trying to enjoy it for once instead of feeling guilty about it since that is baggage I will carry for life.
2 years...he will be 2, unbelievable!!!

I have been talking about him, and introducing his brief life to new friends.  A few moms who daughters play on Taylor's travel soccer team have made me feel comfortable enough to share him with them. I guess I am still protective over him,  but it is nice to make a comment about giving birth to 5 children and not have people look at me like I am crazy and forgot how to count. It is nice to say his name in a sentence, but I wish it was for different reasons.


I ran my half marathon yesterday. It went better than expected. The weather was perfect and I set a new  PR of 1:45:07.  The 18th is always the tougher day, so I am sure some of that built up emotion helped push me at times when I wanted to slow down. I thought of him often during the race and it made me sad, but motivated me at times as well. It is amazing how much easier physical pain is to handle than emotional.

So missing my toddler.