23 and New Year's Babies

The number 23 has such two drastic meanings in my life these days.   One of overwhelming sadness and one of pure happiness. On Dec. 23 we laid Logan to rest in a cemetery way too far from my house (which is another regret and mistake of that week to add to the list). A finality to such a brief life that to this day I still struggle with. For simply the fact that if I ever want my entire family in one place we have to go to a cemetery, and frankly it makes me want to throw up.  Then on the other side every 23rd of the month  is 1 more month that Layton has been with us because on Jan. 23rd Layton was born.  He is 9 months old today and running me ragged. I love every single second of it!

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Logan was due on New Year's Day, and although we never made it that far, New Year's always has the "what could of been" feeling tied to it for me now. I always think back to how we thought it was going to be so cool to have a 1-1-11 baby. My husband was so excited because he knew he would never forget his birthday (now having kids born on the 13th, 15th, and 12th can get tricky sometimes when asked out of nowhere which kid goes with which date), so we always made comments that this would be one he couldn't possibly screw up.

Layton was born on Chinese New Year and the Year of the Dragon. From what I was told in the hospital there isn't a luckier day, and in Chinese culture he would be considered special and expected to live a long life of happiness and good fortune...I can only hope this crosses cultural lines.

9 months old

2 New Year babies. 2 completely different paths.  1 that has lived in my heart for 22 months, and 1 that has graced our lives with smiles and laughs for 9 months. 1 that still brings constant tears, and 1 who helps pull me out of that sadness when it grabs a hold of me. 1 that can't be here and 1 who wouldn't be here if the other was.  No matter how many times I look at it 1+1 does not equal 2 in the way I desperately want it to.

                     

would be 22 months old 4 days